Monday, March 29, 2010

Peer Review on Mun Teng's WA2

To start off, I find that your sentences in the introduction do not flow smoothly. Maybe you would like to alter the sentence structure such as reducing the number of example you gave in the first sentence and also the choice of words in the following two sentences. In addition, I think that you should add in a brief explanation on how the injection of sulfur particles into the stratosphere can help to combat climate change in your introduction. Besides that, I believe the injection of sulfur particles is a geoengineering technique instead of bioengineering.

Are the terms “stratosphere modification scheme” and “albedo scheme” refers to the same thing? If it is, I think you should just use one of it as it might be confusing for those who are not knowledgeable in this field. Since in your introduction, you mentioned the keywords “sulfur injection” and “stratosphere’, it will be more appropriate if you use the term stratosphere modification scheme. However, I feel that the examples you gave does support your arguments well.

Overall, I think that your essay is coherent and well organized. You made good use of transition words throughout the essay. However, there is error with your reference list alignment. You may want to refer to http://www.lib.nus.edu.sg/lion/s/citeapa.html for some examples. By the way, do not forget to use 1.5 line spacing as mentioned in the EG1471 style sheet. I hope that with my review is helpful to provide you some guideline to improve your essay. Anyway, good effort!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Peer Review on Yoke Shyng's WA1

To start off, your introduction is quite interesting. However, you might want to state your thesis in the introduction.


For the first body paragraph, I feel that you gave good and strong supporting details for your topic sentence. It logically shows that natural ecosystem can help to be use as a protection against natural disaster.


In body paragraph two, maybe you should try to explain how the countries under REDD program can benefit while conserving their forest because I think the name of the program does not really tells us much on how it can support the topic sentence.

In body paragraph three, you should try to explain how biofuels can help to reduce emission of greenhouse gases as some readers might not know what it is. I do not think that the information about the amount of carbon that can be remove by oceans and reducing deforestation supports the topic sentence.


Your conclusion has a smooth transition with good use of transition words and your brief summary suites your main points stated in your body paragraphs.


Overall, I think that your essay is coherent and you made good use of transition words throughout the essay. However, there are some citations missing in your reference. As what I have pointed out above, there is still room for improvement for your essay.