To start off, your introduction is quite interesting. However, you might want to state your thesis in the introduction.
For the first body paragraph, I feel that you gave good and strong supporting details for your topic sentence. It logically shows that natural ecosystem can help to be use as a protection against natural disaster.
In body paragraph two, maybe you should try to explain how the countries under REDD program can benefit while conserving their forest because I think the name of the program does not really tells us much on how it can support the topic sentence.
In body paragraph three, you should try to explain how biofuels can help to reduce emission of greenhouse gases as some readers might not know what it is. I do not think that the information about the amount of carbon that can be remove by oceans and reducing deforestation supports the topic sentence.
Your conclusion has a smooth transition with good use of transition words and your brief summary suites your main points stated in your body paragraphs.
Overall, I think that your essay is coherent and you made good use of transition words throughout the essay. However, there are some citations missing in your reference. As what I have pointed out above, there is still room for improvement for your essay.
Regarding my introduction, one of my intentions is to convince the readers more easily by presenting some climate change effects on nature. This makes my introduction quite long and is more suitable for writings such as reports. As for my thesis statement, it is written at the end of the second paragraph. Thus, I will shorten the introduction by shifting the example into the body, and I will state the article writers in the thesis statement.
ReplyDeleteAbout the REDD program, I decided not to elaborate on how it works. This is because the question is focusing on the importance of nature on climate change issue, while REDD is one of the human efforts to protect nature.
On the second augment, I am trying to show the potential of biotechnology by stating the available technology of nature. I agree that the biofuel example is not clear, and will give details on its benefits. For the removal of carbon, I think it is appropriate to list it under technology as well as service although it has been available for very long. Lastly, I will paraphrase the ideas and examples used and add in citations.
Thanks Chi Ming for your comments, and I will make the necessary corrections.